Home educating children with special educational needs - how mothers experience this unique learning relationship

As my work increasingly brings me in contact with parents whose children are at home rather than school (whether this be by choice or forced by circumstance) I am brought back to my doctoral research interviewing six amazing home educating mothers about the nature of their relationship with their child. The key experiences were:

• Empowering their child

The mothers all saw empowering their child through experiences as important; with the aim of developing their child’s autonomy, acceptance, self-esteem and sense of safety. This was achieved by a mix of stepping back, facilitating and leading activities through which these feelings would be experienced.

• Connecting and attuning to their child

The mothers all engaged in activities to develop connection and attunement with their children. This involved observing their children to develop insight and understanding, nurturing trust, healing and wellbeing, sharing activities with their children, seeking harmony and congruence and using specialist tools to meet communication and medical needs.

• Becoming a ‘super mother’

The mothers all engaged in activities which pushed the boundaries of the nature of motherhood. This included holding deep compassion for children who were very challenging, integrating professional skills into the role of mother, employing rigour and an obsessive approach to researching and understanding medical conditions and a dedication to medical interventions.

• Managing threats: past, present and future

All the mothers described threats either in the past, present or future. These were multiple and varied, relating to relationships with others and their daily responsibilities - including feeling judged, blamed and unheard by professionals and sometimes family and other home educators. Feelings of isolation and fear of future were common themes.

• Transformation and growth

All the mothers described aspects of their experience that led to transformation and growth. This could be developing strength due to difficult experiences, increased personal satisfaction, a new sense of fulfillment and freedom from cultural expectations.

• Issues of control

For some of the mothers control was a key feature. They felt they needed to control their children’ experiences in order to achieve what their children needed, they also felt judged as a ‘controlling mother’.

Although this research was carried out 5 years ago, the themes still resonate strongly within my interactions with families - often those struggling to support young people who find school too stressful and overwhelming. Instead of being supported I often find there still remains criticism and judgement, not always, but often.